Friday, March 27, 2009

It's My Birthday Too, Yeah

Today was a big day for a certain small dog: today Elliot "Bink(ers)" Lake officially turned one year old. It’s been quite a year.  Not only was I radically unprepared to be a dog owner, I was actively unwilling.  Only one person in the world could have overcome my host of reservations.  Luckily—I think—she happens to be my wife.

Bink celebrated his birthday by gnawing--and in some places actually consuming--the border and understitching of our expensive new carpet.  He’s sitting on a chair in the photo above because he’s been given a "Time Out."   He doesn’t look very chastened, does he?  Regret, I think, is not a common emotion for small dogs.  If it were, he might consume a higher percentage of actual food, and a smaller amount of rubber, cardboard, styrofoam, and sundry other organic substances too unpleasant to mention.  He’s a mischevious, rascally, and incredibly joyous little creature.   I can’t believe I ever got along without him.

One of the reasons we chose a Maltese over other dogs was because of their longevity. Apparently, many can live to be fifteen or sixteen years old.  In other words, I’ve got many years of Bink-dom in store for me.   I doubt they’ll be enough.


Anonymous said...

Congrats Bink!

One is a big turning point. Only 2-3 more years of what I think is the Sadian limit of dog life: the shit-vomit. Yes, the shit vomit is truly a sight to behold. In 120 Days, it is somewhere between the nuns fornicating with two different cultivars of apple tree and when the french duke manually pleasures a tibetan yak. The shit vomit is when I realized that my dog exists only for his pleasure and cares nothing of the world. The shit vomit is one of the great life lessons dogs provide, in addition to the importance of snuggling.

Shit vomit, for the uninitiated bourgeois so hemmed in by their own conventions that they have not truly lived, is when a dog merely ambling along finds a sumptuous turd awaiting.

Hungry for sensation, said dog consumes the turd very very quickly.

Gross? Yes. Unhygenic? Certainly? But it is merely average. This, after all, is just John Waters territory.

The magic happens when,at the end of your walk, the dog finds the softest oriental rug in your house, and then proceeds to vomit the feces back up. The shit vomit.

Now you, bent over and with numerous graduate degrees from prestigious programs, publications in journals both academic and popular, married to a beautiful woman, and possessed of transcendent and refined vegetarian cooking skills, are cleaning up a morass of shit vomit.

While the dog watches.

If this isn't Sade, I don't know what it is. But I learned so much from the shit vomit. It is magic.

Happy Numero Uno Binkers! Bring truth to the humans! Give them limit experiences and sensations like they never imagined!


Le Chat said...

And the above pretty much sums up why I own cats.

ANCIANT said...

The Bink has blessed us with both the eating of feces, and the vomiting. Luckily, one rarely follows close on the other, and his vomit is small in quantity and benign in odor and texture. You are a man of great patience and fortitude, and I salute your love for your dog. He doesn't know how good he's got it.

Anonymous said...

No truly, I don't know how good *I* got it. While I am fond of K, don't get me wrong, she, brought up within society, is so hamstrung by conventional behavior, she would NEVER, can you believe, NEVER consume feces and vomit them on the floor, flouting the most basic taboos in the name of pleasure.To live with a being of such contempt for convention, while embracing all the nobler pursuits, it something more than one could have asked for in a pet.

To live with a true bon vivant, is a great gift. Every day he revels in sloth, filth, and id, in a way that we will never do, while still boasting bravery the likes of which i will never know. It is the juxtapostion of virtue and vice that makes one reconsider what we mean by vice. How can someone so virtuous, in his pure regard for duty, be considered to possess vice at all? Indeed, must we not think that vice can be made a virtue.

These lessons, no doubt, bink will impart to you as well my friend.

Good luck in year 2.