Thursday, November 13, 2008

Thoughts On Remodeling

- Home Depot and Lowe's are not, as I had once assumed, more or less the same.  Home Depot is far inferior.  Don't go there, unless you want faucet fixtures that cost 40.00$ more than they should, look terrible, and only work with a certain brand of six-hole sinks manufactured exclusively in Slovenia.

-Instructions for coming up with name for shade of paint: take any noun.  Take any second noun (preferably one that evokes nature) or adjective with non-negative connotation.  Combine.  You have now created the name of a shade of paint.  Sierra frost.  Tuscon villa.  Spring pumpkin.  Tomato stockcar.  All are paint names, somewhere.  I promise you.

-"Trim" refers to floorboards and chair rails.  Oh, and door frames.  Maybe window frames too.  I think it's also a kind of sparrow.  I don't know.  But people like to talk about it.  Generally when they do just nod.  Agree that it should probably be white.

-I think it can also refer to a body shape?

-Toilets are rated according to statistics.  Flush power.  Flush strength.  Slugging percentage--those are the main ones.  It's kind of cool.  

-While it may, in theory, be possible to purchase a toilet for under $100, you should not do so.  Unless, that is, you want some toilet who will never even get past AAA ball.

-We have two new toilets--a Brad Ausmus level toilet, and, for our starting rotation (main bathroom), an Andy Petitte level toilet.  (The Pettite of three years ago, say).  We passed on the Tim Lincecum/Manny Ramirez level ones.  Too pricey.  And why spend all that money on one superstar?  As the Devil Rays showed, it's balance and depth at all positions that wins championships.

-Total number of miles driven between our apartment, our house, Lowe's and Home Depot in last week: 200.  

-Walt Disney makes its own line of paint.  I don't know what to think about that.


Saxo philologus said...

Your metaphor is confusing. If toilets are rated according to slugging percentage, why are you buying an Andy Pettitte level toilet? I'm confused.

Johannes said...

My I suggest some hues from my own pain line Gullett's Fine Paints for your new abode.

November ferret
Irish offal
Squid Ink
Crip cerulean
Nantucket wookie
Wookie fur
Hoary mare
Sweaty woodchuck
Orlando wheat
Ham royale
Bated Spaniard
October clam
Welshman's hat
Newark villa
Camel tongue
Moonlit sun
Ivory badger
Autum jerky
Venetian rash

I'll send you some swatches.

Saxo Philologus said...

Venetian rash is definitely my favorite.

ANCIANT said...

Coincidentally, Johannes, we're using two of your shades: Ivory badger and Bated Spaniard (which is a shade of purple). We looked at Sweaty woodchuck for the den, but decided its yellow tones would clash with the wooden planking along one of the walls.

October clam, by the way, is a real dog of a color. Avoid. NOVEMBER clam, on the other hand, is quite lovely.

Cartooniste said...

Okay, how is it you knew not to buy a cheap toilet and we didn't? We were like - it's a toilet. It's seventy bucks. We were at the building supply warehouse in Peabody, recommended by our contractor. What could go wrong?

Answer- the loudest goddam flush I have ever heard, water running in the dead of night, and a leak due to faulty installation that destroyed (almost) the new bathroom ceiling below it. Covered by warranty, but still. I wish I had known.

ANCIANT said...

Well, we were told that's how. Our plumber said get any toilet you want, just make sure it cost at least 80.00. That was his exact instruction, and we followed it.

I don't remember Home Depot having any toilets under 80 bucks, actually.