Thursday, May 29, 2008

Questions about the Dog

I’ve gotten a lot of quesitons about the dog and I thought it’d be easier to answer all of them at once.

I don’t understand; you’re such a savagely macho person. How can you be content with a little fluff dog? Don’t you need something that more nearly accords with your inner nature? Like a dingo?
Ideally, yes. But:
a) We live in a big city
b) We live in an apartment
c) We have no yard
d) I don’t have the time to attend to a larger animal.

MAN he is cute. Is it legal for a living being to be that cute?
It is in Moldova. I can’t go into more details, but let’s just say that if the Animal INS comes calling, we’re in trouble.

Are you going to turn into one of those pet people?
What the hell is that supposed to mean?

You know—who talks about their pets all the time? And shows everyone they meet pictures of their pet?
First of all, we don’t meet anybody to talk to. Or show pictures to. So it’s really moot.

But, no, I think we’re going to be restrained and even-keeled about the new puppy (“Untitled.”) Aside from getting his face tattooed on my back. And making muffins using a mold we make from his body shape, and eating them every morning, and calling them “Doggy Bites.” And changing our wills so he inherits all our possessions.

Any good name ideas?
-Fenster
-Noe
-Ziggy
-Keats

Our friend, Incremental, says that you have to meet the dog and divine his internal essence before you can name him. That will be next week. More reports to follow.

4 comments:

Johannes said...

True, I think a dingo would suit you better Tim, as gritty and Australian as you, but I've read a few monograghs about how Malteses are also known for stealing and eating babies on their home island of Malta.

If you google image Maltese BTW it seems that they all sprout bows from their heads at a certain age. Does anybody know the evolutionary advantage to that?

Mr. Guapo said...

Johannes--

It's true; the grooming of most maltese leaves a lot to be desired. For the record, we're not going to let it grow long fine hair (keeping it short) or dress it up in bows. It's going to be kept to a strict training regiment, and dressed only in canvas and burlap. And to eat, it will have only the thighs and thymus glands of whatever burglars it manages to kill.

Btw, your names were excellent. We both laughed out loud. We're going to use "Hambone" for our first son.

Cartooniste said...

if you name him "noe" i'm gonna smack you upside the head.

but don't worry- once you've spent a little time with him you'll learn his name. just because it sounds all mystical-hippie doesn't mean it isn't true.

Mr. Guapo said...

Also, I learned why they often have the bows in pictures. If you want to show your Maltese competitively, you have to keep its hair long. But, the hair gets in its eyes. Hence, the bows.