Sunday, September 2, 2012
NFL Season 2012
If there's one thing I'm for which I'm known and respected--nay, even revered--among my friends it's my abilities as a football prognosticator. Each year starting in August the pleas to hear my predictions about the upcoming NFL season grow and more fervent. Phones ring. Emails are sent. "Please, ANCIANT," they say, "Please tell us what will happen this year in the NFL."
Be calmed, my friends. Your pleas need sound no more. The knowledge is coming....
1) The NY Jets will finish under .500. Rex Ryan will not be the head coach at the start of 2013.
2) Brandon Weedon will disappoint as the Cleveland QB.
3) Ryan Fitzpatrick--who I like as a person--will play poorly. Everyone will talk about the huge contract he got last year and how much the Bills overpayed for him.
4) Sam Bradford AND Blaine Gabbert will shake off their bad performances from last year; both will play well enough to justify being number one picks.
5) The Steelers will not make the playoffs.
6) Defenses will figure out how to contain Cam Newton; his numbers will decline significantly from last year. He will look average.
7) In Philadelphia, Nick Foles will play well enough for Michael Vick (who will suffer the usual out-for-four-games-with-bruised-ribs injury in week 6) to generate a QB controversy.
Most of my picks so far are about QBs, I realize. Is it because my natural athleticism and steely-eyed badassery makes me essentially a pro NFL quarterback myself? Probably.
8) The Falcons will make the playoffs. The Bears will not.
9) I am still not a believer in the 49ers and Alec Smith. I should be, I guess. But I wouldn't be surprised if they finish at 9-7.
10) The Dolphins fire Jeff Ireland as GM. This is a wish more than a prediction, borne of me thinking he's not only a terrible GM but a really unlikable person. But I'm putting it here anyway, in the hopes it will be true.