Sample excerpt (from "Don't Come Crying to Me When You Need Someone Who Speaks Elvish")
No, it is not easy, but you had already made some inroads. You recognized the essential difference between the Cirth "runes" of Balin's tomb and the Tengwar "letters" corrupted by Sauron upon the One Ring–so basic and fundamental a difference that many students overlook it, to their later dismay. And, although I feel the high-elven dialect of Quenya would have given you trouble and Valarin, the tongue of the Valar, would likely forever elude your grasp, I thought you certainly capable of one day becoming conversant–if not fluent–in Sindarin. But it was not to be, for you, like Radagast The Brown, have chosen the path of blissful ignorance. In so doing, you turn your back on the riches of the world.
2 comments:
Yeah, these are hilarious.
In an ideal world, an entry on "Weird Al" might remark on the subtleties of "Happy Birthday," which can only be found on the extremely rare 1981 Placebo EP release of "Another One Rides The Bus," but I certainly no longer believe this world to be ideal.
I also love:
"Paul, we are no longer in fourth grade, scumming through Angband 2.9. You can't just poke around until you find Calris and then kick ass. This is a densely layered game of honor, reputation, and complex allegiances among living characters. A game of wondrous fantasy scenarios like wielding profound mystic powers and earning the respect of others. But if grid-based dungeon-spelunking is the apex of the gaming experience on your homeworld, I suggest you invest your time in PhatLewt for the iPhone. I hear they've got a hobgoblin infestation you might be able to help with. Or, hey, Evony.com has a nice, leisurely pace that might suit you better. But if you want to strive for immortality, then pay me heed."
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