Sunday, December 7, 2008

The New House

As of Friday, we have moved in to the new place. The floors, which we've paid to have sanded and refinished, are coated in a fine layer of silt despite my constant mopping. The backyard has standing puddles in it (the man who has been doing the gardening while no one lived here seemed to be going for a Florida Everglades-type feel). Our entire dining room is filled with boxes. Our bathroom has no central light, so we've had to import a desk lamp, which now totters on the small counter between shower and sink, shadeless. The new cable box hums so loudly that you can't carry on a conversation if you're sitting next to it. Every shutter from every single one of our windows is currently lying in our garage, ready to be given a new coat of paint. (The painter--who is coming more and more to resemble Elton from Murphy Brown-- promised us he would be done last Tuesday). And whenever any faucet or toilet is activated, the entire house shakes, and a noise roughly akin to that of an army of angry gnomes toiling with jackhammers to demolish the foundation, issues forth. This FREAKS OUT the dog who, having been uprooted from a quiet, cosy carpeted nook in a place he knew to a large, loud, linoleum-covered kitchen in a place he does not, is already freaked out almost beyond what he can bear. (He's refused to eat or drink for the last twenty-four straight hours and spends most of his time yowling and scratching at the kitchen door.) That means that going to the bathroom late at night is a bad idea because it will wake him up, freak him out, and precipitate a half-hour of door banging from the kitchen which is highly injurious to calm, anxiety-free sleep.

Still. I own a home. Yes!


Johannes said...

Congratulations! Have you taken care of those hobo graves in the basement left by the previous owner yet?

JMW said...

Congrats! Sounds awful!

But I'm sure once you get the gnome-removal guy in, you'll be set.

Dezmond said...

My mother-in-law's dog freaks out every time she uses her oven. So she no longer uses her oven.

Cartooniste said...

Congratulations ANCIANT! I know exactly how you feel.

It's awful. But sort of great too, right?

I recommend that you cave in completely and just let the puppy sleep with you. Really, who are we kidding.

Also- our contractor *also* feels like Elton.

Will pictures be made available?

ANCIANT said...

We're leaving the graves, Johannes. Our realtor thinks they'll help resell value. And the hobo zombies which wander the grounds at night are good for keeping away prowlers.

The suggestion that the dog be allowed to sleep with us was put forth, Cartooniste, on that first sad night of yowling, by one of the two members of the ANCIANT household. (Hint: the prettier one.) It was considered and then dispensed with. Once you start down that path, you can never go back--at least, such is my assumption.

The good news is that the pipes have calmed down and the dog has mostly gotten comfortable in his new home. The same is true, to a degree, of his owners--though it bears noting that if I do nothing for the next two weeks but attend to house-related issues, it still won't be well and truly livable. But, oh well.

日月神教-向左使 said...