Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Football Predictions

Well the new season is upon us.  Another five months of beer commercials, injury reports, and Chris Berman.  I feel the fear upon me.

Like all subjects about which I know very little, football is one on which I have a myriad of strongly-held, often conflicting opinions.  Since I know none of you will sleep tonight unless you can find out what I think about PacMan Jones, I've taken time out of my busy Chemistry Memorization Schedule, to set down some of my sure-to-be-proved right predictions about the upcoming season.*

1. The Titans will give up on Vince Young.   This will be his last year in the NFL as a starting quarterback.  All those people who made so much noise about how the Texans should have drafted Young out of college will send me personal letters of apology, agreeing with my forecast (made at the time) that he would amount to a big-time bust.

2. The Falcons will cover the spread more often than not.  They will win at least 6 games.

3. The Eagles will not make the playoffs.  Westbrook and McNabb will each miss at least 6 games due to injuries.

4. The Steelers will be really really good.  (I know: they're always good.  I didn't say these were BOLD predictions.  GET OFF MY DAMN CASE).

5. Jake Delhomme is done.

6. PacMan Jones will actually live up to his promises, not get arrested, and help his team.

7. The Browns will not make the playoffs.  They will also have two different players get in trouble with the law.  (Or, as we say here on the West Coast, "the po-pos.")

*This post was written on Saturday, a day before the season began.  So if some of the predictions already look stupid--that's why.  


Saxo Philologus said...

Some of these predictions are bolder than others. I can't see Atlanta winning more than six games, despite the nice start. The Titans won't give up on Vince Young as long as Bud Adams owns the team. Bud was the one who made Jeff Fisher and Floyd Reese pick Vince over Matt Leinart.

Charlie Casserley is looking pretty smart right now, having chosen to take Mario Williams over Reggie Bush and Vince. Notwithstanding my ill-conceived bet with you about VY (which I blame on Skip Bayless), I can't say that I'm sorry to see VY getting booed in Tennessee.

Which Browns players are going to get arrested? Surely having two players arrested during the course of a season is par for the course in the NFL.

Let me also make a prediction. The Texans will go 7-9 or 8-8. Thank you, ESPN the magazine, for jinxing the team by picking them to make the playoffs and putting Mario on the cover.

ANCIANT said...

I'm not at liberty to divulge which of the Browns will get arrested. But you're right, having two players arrested isn't all that big a deal. What I sort of meant, and should have said, is that they will begin to metamorphise into the Bengals of the last few years, or the NBA Trailblazers.

Keep in mind that I have NO REAL BASIS to make that prediction. But you know what? It's my damn blog and I can predict whatever I like.

I do not think the Texans will win 7 games. I didn't think that before last Sunday, and I sure don't think it now. They don't have a running back, our defense is uneven and Matt S still hasn't proven himself.

You ought to send them your resume, Saxo. No one diagrams a zone blitz like you do.

JMW said...

Your predictions look pretty good, with two and half exceptions.

The half is the Eagles. You're banking on those injuries. Otherwise, they likely make the playoffs. How they do this with not a single decent WR, I have no idea.

Delhomme looked pretty good against the Chargers, but I hope you're eventually proven right on that one. I hate that guy.

As for Pac Man, I watched that game with a friend, and he (Pac Man, not the friend) looked awful on more than one or two plays. We'll see, I guess, but so far I'm very impressed with the Cowboys (who really just have to prove it in the playoffs) and quite underwhelmed by Mr. PM Jones.

Saxo Philologus said...

Yeah, Pac Man didn't look so terrific on 'Hard Knocks' - though his ability to hold on to six footballs at the same time was impressive.

Also, Mr. Sports-Prognosticator, let me point out that all indications are that the Devil Rays will make the playoffs.

Shall we have our usual bet on the football pool this year?

ANCIANT said...

Well the Panthers looked very good on Sunday, so that prediction might already be shot. Although San Diego always plays like a dead jar of wombat juice at the start of the season. But they'll get Steve Smith back in a few weeks and probably be pretty good. They have a good coach, which I think is always more important than people think.

I don't think the Eagles make the playoffs with or without injuries. I don't know why, I just don't. They're one of those teams that never lives up to potential. And anyway, there WILL be injuries. Westbrook gets hurt every year.

V Young was booed when he started this Sunday, I just read. And apparently J Fisher had to call in a psychologist and (!) a police negotiator in the last few days to help him with his confidence. That's kind of weird. I don't think Young should have ever been so highly touted, but I don't want anyone to be booed. I feel bad for the guy. Expectations were way too high and of course he can't live up. But Kerry Collins may be a good alternative. (I can't believe I just wrote that sentence). He's old enough by now (62?) to know what a QB should and shouldn't try to do, and with their defense he might not need to be great--just competent. It may be a reprise of the Trent Dilfer-lead Ravens.

Yes, my baseball picks don't look 100%, but I will say that none of them has definitively been ruled out. Also, note that
a) the Brewers have choked big time. Without Sabathia they wouldn't even be in the hunt any more.
b) even if the Rays make the playoffs, they've lost a lot of games in the last few weeks; they're much more likely to make it as a Wild Card then a Division Winner. And even that is not sewed up.
c) The Mets and Phillies still both may make it.
d) Suck it, Turk.

No bet on the pool this year, Saxo. I don't like my chances. Sorry.

JMW said...

"A dead jar of wombat juice." Priceless.

Quarterbacks do tend to hit their peaks in their early to mid-60s.

The Vince Young situation, if recent reports are to be believed, is becoming sad.

When we were in Vegas, I bought a ticket on the Brewers to win the National League, so I'll ask you to refrain from speaking ill of them, sir.