Friday, November 9, 2007

Scenes From A Marriage: I

Here's a rough transcription of a conversation that took place recently between...uhm...two friends. It took place on the evening before the husband's birthday.

WIFE: (Seems unhappy).
HUSBAND: What's wrong?
WIFE: I already know I'm going to be really upset tomorrow.
HUSBAND: What? Why?
WIFE: Because it's your birthday, and you aren't going to have a cake.
HUSBAND: But I don't want a cake.
WIFE: Yes you do. Everybody wants a big cake on their birthday.
HUSBAND: I don't.
WIFE: Yes you do.
HUSBAND: I don't.
WIFE: Everyone does. And you're not going to have one. That means I'm a bad wife.
HUSBAND: You're not a bad wife. You're a wonderful wife. Why do I care about a cake when I have you?
WIFE: No I'm not. If I were a wonderful wife, I'd make you a cake.
HUSBAND: If you want to make me a cake, you can. You know I like your cakes.
WIFE: No, because you won't eat it.
HUSBAND: Yes I will!
WIFE: Not every day. You'll just eat it tomorrow. Then it will sit around in the refrigerator and go bad. That will make me REALLY upset.
HUSBAND: I'm sorry. I just don't like to eat cake that often.
WIFE: That's all right.
HUSBAND: What if you made a cake and we froze it?
WIFE (with profound scorn): You can't FREEZE butter-cream.
HUSBAND: I'm sorry.
WIFE: It's all right. It's my problem.
HUSBAND: Well, it's my problem too.

Gradual petering out of conversation. Viewing of "Beauty and the Geek."

ADDENDUM: in lieu of a big cake, several small lemon pound-cakes were prepared. The icing was sugar-based, thus allowing it to be frozen. The cakelets, as it were, exceeded all standards for lemon-based excellence previously held by the husband (no small connoisseur of lemon). Husband ate several. It's likely he'll have more tonight. I mean, that's what I hear....


Cartooniste said...

um. you can totally freeze buttercream. judging from how long our wedding cake lasted, anyway.

happy belated, mr. guapo. i sent you a copy of Englbert Humperdicnk's All Time Smash Hits to Hum, but I don't think it's arrived yet.

Seb said...

Happy belated.

Le Chat said...

Cartooniste is right. Buttercream freezes very well - it's actually one of the only frostings that you can freeze (meringue, whipped cream, boiled frostings and custards cannot be frozen at all) . However, if that avenue had been pursued, then there would not have been any lemon pound cake cakelets. And that would have been sad. Your wife is very sweet to care so much. :)

Jordan said...

Since my husband made every effort to capture one of my "better moments" in his blog, I now feel obligated to defend my knowledge of baking. Of course, buttercream does freeze. I am still enjoying frozen bits of our wedding cake (amaretto, mmm), in fact. The cake in question, however, would not have frozen well, which is not really the point. In the original conversation, the point was that the essence of the birthday celebration lies in instant gratification and gluttony. The joy of the "traditional birthday cake," when eaten as an adult, is that it reminds us of our better, younger days, when how much cake we ate was limited not by guilt but by how long one could continue to consume it without becoming ill. At any rate, the cakelets afforded a very polite, restrained, adult birthday experience.

Seb said...

Jordan -

Admiral, if we go by the book, like Lieutenant Saavik, hours could seem like days.

Matthew 7:6; 13:57.

By the book, Admiral.